Perceived and Posted by Jerry Schwartz
Pants pockets pulling. Jackets just joined. Collars closely clasped. Belts barely buckled.
I hate that feeling. Most of us do. Losing weight is so much cheaper than tailoring or buying clothes. Less expensive than a shrink. Less anxiety than the gym. Less is more, more or less.
About 20 years ago, I found a formula, protocol, regimen or lifestyle that has kept my weight and wasteline roughly the same between ages 40 and now 60 as they were between 20 and 40.
Inside every thin person, formerly overweight, hides a fat person who sneaks out once in a while. You can feel chubby cheeks on your chair’s seat. Bending moves memories slightly over your belt’s top. Mirrors reflect folds that are hard to face.
In a world where weight weighs heavily on those weary from worrying about the way they look, we watch and wink wondering what if, instead of what was or why not, we could wear whatever we want. Wow!
Stripes instead of plaids. A-lines better than tubes. Straight collars over spreads. Solids rather than patterns. Natty not nubby. Dips not dollops.
Public relations is often as much about personal presence as it is about publicity. Perception is reality. Reality is not image. Image is important. There’s no second impression if you don’t pass the first. Should judges judge jerseys before juries? Should Docs don dark duds? Silver sailor suits should be suitable, upon reflection, but what would happen to navy blue? Dark blue jerseys are slimming.
I was fat once, 20 pounds heavier and two inches shorter than now. That was in my young teens. Baby fat, they called it. Years putting it on, at that age and stage, losing it was fast and easy. Forty to 50 years later, dropping pounds is harder. Blame changing metabolism and gravity. Same weight, unevenly and unfairly distributed. Poor eating habits and minimal exercise don’t help, either. Some things you can control, others you can’t. Fear of being fat again is a powerful dietetic. The little fat boy inside is always whispering in my ear, jiggling as my jacket’s joiner jams. Jeeze!
Years of reading, experimenting with diets and exercise have created a system that works. Works for me, anyway. Endless studies show dieters who exercise lose more weight than those who don’t. Who pays for such stuff? Other studies say dieters who avoid high-fat and high calorie foods lose more weight. Duh!
Sounds like the key is not consuming more water or fiber, eating fewer candy bars or drinking less alcohol. Nor is it walking a mile or two every day, doing crunches or golf minus the 19th hole. Mulligan’s are high-calorie whisky-based linaments.
The answer to less flab is more self control and less food. Some activity and not some dessert. Veer from the volumes of vacuous verbiage. Don’t buy diet books!
Okay, at 62 with a 22-year-old’s waist and want, how do I do it? Here are my rules for life’s roles by eliminating rolls. The goal, here, is NOT to be NBC’s Biggest Loser. This is for increasing self-satisfaction and self-esteem over long periods of time. So, for the fridge door --
• No rolls or any other bread. Never met a thin baker and, besides, these are empty calories -- pain is gain
• No desserts. Nothing. The problem with fruit is that it raises your anticipation. You always want more
• Wine, even good wine, red or white, only one glass per day. Period. While one is high-calorie, the second is a game changer. Drink bad stuff so you want less. Then, you’ll savor the good stuff slowly
• No sauces, gravies, emulsions, oils, dips, au jus, glaces, dressings
• Soups and cheeses are forms of fat, one liquid, one solid, both fattening. Not good
• Eat all the lean animals, fishes or birds you want -– the new zoo menu. But, no panko on or in
• No sodas, ciders, juices, sports drinks, energy drinks or green bulls, let alone red. More bull is more bull and more calories, all empty
• Eat all the veggies you want, but not fried or sauced, preferably boiled or s teamed. Raw is good. Potatoes are not. Learn to like hot, spicy Asian. The Cold War is long over.
• Try all veggies for one full day every week. Good for the heart and soul. Better and easier than one day of nothing as some suggest
• The healthiest meal of the day is usually the worst, breakfast. Do not eat eggs, bacon, muffins or toast. Do not drink orange juice or even look at home fries, especially out-of-home. Most non-sugared cereals and skim milks with fruit are good. A slice or two of toasted multi-grain should satisfy your carb cares. No butter. Period
• Find new foods. Sometimes, novelty can replace calories. Snack on edamame, jicame, pomegranate, kiwi and star fruit. Technology gives us sweet things year ’round from everywhere. IPods have no seeds.
Some people eat to run. I run to eat. Any exercise accomplishes four things
- Aids weight loss
- Flexes joints and muscles
- Increases tolerance for pain from non-exercise activity (like getting up in the morning)
- Provides cocktail party conversation, as in, “I ran two miles today and feel great.”
Even a little exercise works, but you do it regularly, daily. Walk when you can ride, trot when you can walk, move when you don’t have to. Hide that TV remote along with your driver’s mocs. Get that coffee yourself. Tie your shoes without bending your knees. Photocopy your own papers. It figures or figure it out. It’s your figure. Buy a pedometer, if you must.
Worst of all is kidding yourself. One more bite, one small piece. A nibble. A taste. Starting next week, next month. More tonight, less tomorrow. Two small pieces are less fattening than one bigger one. Eating someone else’s food is less fattening. Early in the day’s better than late at night.
Smart advice is don’t eat dumb (raw or half-baked). Find a balanced diet. Offset a big breakfast with a lighter lunch, an expense account meal with a fruit salad deal. One day on, another day off. Adding weight takes time, losing it takes more. Give in less. Eat smaller portions, too.
And, wait.
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